Poker last month was very challenging- financially, emotionally, mentally. I lost myself in the game; totally lost all sense of being, and with it, all sense. I wrote about this in the post Walking in past and future.
Having come back from that space, it is interesting to me now to read over something I wrote after suffering my biggest financial loss of the month:
Tonight I torched $800. Literally, I took the money out of my wallet and I threw it away. Some of it I had to get from the ATM. How foolish. When I say that I torched it, I mean I lost it playing poker. The problem is that I was not playing poker, I was gambling. 100% pure gamble.
There was no self-control. There were multiple times where I knew the right play to make (i.e. fold, call, raise), yet instead I did the opposite. This proves to me that I am not yet my own master. I still have much work to do on this front. Tomorrow is a new day.
If I’m in the game, I know I cannot lose. However, if I’m not in the game, how can I possibly win?