How I’m trying to pay off my student loan without really having much of a job

The definition of a jobby job to me is a “9 to 5”. Why is this? Because, that’s how I was raised I guess… thing is, I don’t really have one.

My jobs

Sometimes I huck fish down at the wharf for a little more than minimum wage.


Sometimes I write (this earns me 1/3rd of 2/5ths of fuck all for reasons which are hopefully obvious once you look at the below picture of a story of mine).


And sometimes I play cards (pah-pah-poker). The most lucrative of the three.


But what does it all mean?

What this “9 to 5” joblessness means is there isn’t any income source of substance being automatically paid toward my student loan (a few dollars and cents each month from hucking fish down at the wharf… but that’s about it).

So, what?

Well, I don’t want a student loan because they suck. But, they seem to be a lot like a hot fart – no matter how furiously you try to wave them away, they just linger around causing an almighty stink.

I’ve set myself a lofty goal of paying off my student loan by the end of the year. Although I strongly believe in the powers of positive thinking, without some kind of plan, paying off my student loan quite simply is not going to happen. To be honest, even with a plan, this MOST probably isn’t going to happen because “hello, do you know how much fucking $ university costs!?”.

But, I’m committed to trying.

The strategy

It’s quite simple really. I’m implementing a strategy of tricking myself into using my weaknesses to help me pay off my loan one small bite at a time (literally).

A glaringly painful weakness of mine is my addictive tendencies. I gots the deep-feels, which means things that feel good entice the fuck-knuckle out of me. Saying no to that piece of brownie or hot chocolate is like trying not to get sand in my pants at the beach.

This weakness seems to me the perfect scapegoat to use to help me out with another weakness (student debt), and so I’ve taken to charging myself money every time I succumb to one of my addictive tendencies…

The list of the things I’m charging myself for started with two items: going to bed and lollies. Since then, it’s grown massively and looks like this:


I’ve been doing this for two months now, and I’ve managed to pay $1,850 toward my student loan (yeah… I eat a lot of sugar). To me, that was cause enough for celebration, so I went and smacked six brownies, and a 12 box of Corona, which cost me $300. Fuck. Make that $2,150.

At this rate, I’m not going to get ANYWHERE NEAR paying off my student loan by the end of the year… but, it’s better than nothing.

Anyhow, I’m committed to keeping this going… so, let’s see how we go…

I share in case this strategy may be of use to others out there suffering from the potent combination of deep-feels and the crippling ridiculousness of a student loan.

Good luck!


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